Sometimes, I think we need to be honest with ourselves. To sit down and re-evaluate what we want from life and whether we’re doing the right thing for our children, and ourselves.
I’ve been thinking about taking a step back from the blog for a little while. B demands a lot of my time; if I sit down, she wants to be on my lap (or on my boob!) and she doesn’t nap anywhere except on me, or in the car (despite my best efforts!). This means that my only blogging time is once the girls are asleep. Historically, B hasn’t been too great at sleeping at night, either!
As a result, I find myself writing blog posts late at night, which means I’m not getting a lot of sleep and I’m being irritable and short-tempered with the girls during the day. I’ve noticed that the bags under my eyes are getting worse and worse; I look tired all the time. This isn’t what I want for myself, or my children.
It’s not what I want for my blog, either. I feel like the constant tiredness has stifled my creativity. I complain that I don’t have time to do things, but the truth is not a lack of time, it’s a lack of energy and a lack of motivation.
I don’t want to give up blogging, but I do want to take the pressure off. I want to go to bed earlier and give myself the time, space and energy to write better posts, but less frequently. I want to be able to have a relaxing Christmas with the girls, without feeling the pressure to come up with exciting Christmas activities to post on the blog. I want to make gingerbread men and fairy cakes without feeling the need to photograph it to post online. I’m sure I’ll still photograph and share these things sometimes, but I want to do it because I want to, not because I feel I have to.
So, moving forward you can expect less frequent posts from Pondering Parenthood. I’m going to keep joining in with Living Arrows until the end of the year, because I can’t leave anything unfinished, and I’ll probably end up posting the odd thing here and there between now and New Year, but I don’t want to say when and how often, because it feels like that would entirely lose the point of this change.
Next Year, I’m sure I’ll continue to post Pondering Playtime posts, as well as posts linked to sustainability, as this is something that I think we all need to take steps to improve in our lives, and I want to do whatever I can to encourage others to live more sustainably.
I also want to take the blog back to being more of a record of lovely days out or experiences that we’ve had. M described the blog as, ‘mine and B’s website’ the other day. I want to find a balance for my little corner of the internet, to make it both a mixture of the girls’ memories, and also a little place for me to share my interests and passions.
I just need to take a little time and space to find those passions again.