Hubby and I are having particular difficulty coming up with a name for our little girl. This seems to be primarily because we are both teachers!
Don’t get me wrong, we love working with children and appreciate their many positive qualities but, like adults, children are human and as such have a few negative qualities too!
Anyway, although we need to come up with a girl’s name, this guide equally applies to boy’s names.
How to name your unborn child (When you’re a teacher)
Step 1: Immediately discount any of those names. You know, the ones you see on the class list at the start of the year and think, oh great, they’re going to be a pain in the arse. And then they always are.
Step 2: Further discount the name of that child who always went out of his/her way to upset other children, displayed psychopathic tendencies even at the age of ten and you’re fairly sure is going to end up in prison for fatally harming someone one day (thankfully I’ve only taught one of these, but I suppose statistically there must be a few out there).
Step 3: Compile a list of other names you like the sound of.
Step 4: Remove any names which are likely to attract sniggers in the staff room as the new intake list is shared amongst the staff. This includes random hyphenations, ‘interesting’ spellings (yes I know, you were trying to be different, I’m sorry), and names that when combined with your surname create initials that spell rude words.
Step 5: Remove any names that belong to children who were a bit whingey or constantly fell out with others.
Step 6: Diagree with your husband over the shortlist of three names you have left because he’s already applied steps 1-5 to them and they don’t qualify.
Step 7: Cry in despair until you finally find something you both like and survives the aforementioned criteria. Then whatever you do, don’t tell a soul; especially not your teacher friends!